It was the Winter of 2021. My partner and I were in Cincinnati visiting one of my good friends, and we all decided to take a trip downtown to check out a Christmas market there. It was a really lovely afternoon – cold and blustery, but not so cold that we couldn’t enjoy checking out the booths selling mostly locally-made art, clothing, food, and other treasures.
One such booth we visited had a ton of shirts with prints made by a local artist. I rifled through them, admiring each design, when I came across one that featured the distinctive face of one of my favorite musicians, Orville Peck. He’s a lesser known queer country artist with a distinctive habit of wearing a leather face mask in all of his appearances, and the shirt was a stylized rendition of his face with lyrics from one of his songs written in red.
I was thrilled. Orville Peck is not super well known now, but he was even less known back then, and this was the first time I ever encountered anything referencing him out in the wild, much less a cool T-shirt like this. I knew I had to get it for myself.
I brought the shirt up to the artist running the booth, and as they rang me up I couldn’t help but strike up a conversation.
“I love this design!” I said.
“Thank you,” the artist said.
“This is the first time I’ve ever seen anything Orville Peck related. I’m such a huge fan,” I continued.
“Me too,” they said. “He was my number-one artist on Spotify Wrapped this year!”
“He was number two for me. Taylor Swift was number one.”
I laughed at this – I meant it as sort of a self-disparaging joke. It’s a commonly understood fact that Swifties are a pretty over-enthusiastic group, so I figured it was a compliment of the highest honor to Orville Peck that he managed to even get close to touching the ferocity with which I listened to Taylor.
Clearly, though, the artist took it a little differently. Their tone shifted away from the friendly casualty it had before. “Oh, I’m not a fan of hers.”
“That’s okay. I wasn’t always a fan of hers, either. But my good friend finally convinced me and now I’m hooked.”
I didn’t really need this conversation to be about Taylor Swift. I would have happily gone back to talking about Orville Peck, the musician we had in common. But the artist, still working on the transaction, had clearly seized on this topic and wasn’t wanting to let go.
“I’m sick of her,” they said. “I hear about her constantly. I just can’t stand her. I wish she would just take her money and leave.”
I laughed awkwardly. What was I supposed to say to that? They were still holding my debit card.
In my memory, the conversation went on like that for several excruciating minutes. Me, trapped, waiting to finish a monetary transaction as this stranger I didn’t know went on and on about how much they hated a musician I loved. And all because I dared mention Taylor Swift.
That was in 2021, just after the release of Red Taylor’s Version, and yeah, Taylor was a pretty big figure back then. But since then, she’s released Midnights, two more rerecordings, THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT, and is headlining a tour that is constantly attracting media attention. Not to mention her extremely publicized relationship with Chiefs football player Travis Kelce. If they were sick of her then, how must they feel about her now?
I reflect on this experience now because I feel like it’s a strange sort of microcosm for what’s happening right now across the internet in the wake of Taylor Swift’s newest album, THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT (TTPD).
In some ways, I saw this coming. It is hard to argue that Taylor Swift isn’t the most talked about figure right now and has been for basically an entire year at this point. As a fan, this is a ton of fun – I love Taylor Swift. I obviously love talking about her and her music. But I can imagine that if you’re not a fan, it’s kind of annoying.
I get it. I’m not going to stand here and argue that you have to like Taylor Swift, or you have to be pleased and happy to hear about her all the time. Believe me, I’ve felt neutral-to-negative about her for a longer portion of my life than I’ve been a fan. But I think that perspective also leads me to the following argument – if you don’t like Taylor Swift, you don’t have to care about her.
I absolve you. You’re allowed to not post about her social media. You can change the channel on the radio when one of her songs come on. You can blacklist her name on the platforms that allow you to do so. You can even refrain from tracking down her fans to call them stupid for liking her, even.
You do not need to have a take on her.
I say this because, quite honestly, I have been sick to death at the discussion I’ve seen from the general public surrounding TTPD. I have never before in my life seen so many people be so loudly wrong about a piece of art. And honestly, I think it comes from a really disingenuous place. I think a lot of the people posting about this album decided long before hearing it that it was trash (if they’ve even heard it at all).
How can I tell? Well, it’s because a lot of the popular arguments I’ve seen against the album fundamentally misunderstand it. Case in point, the most popular talking point I’ve seen – the lyrics are so stupid!
Now, again, I don’t mean to say that you are required to like every lyric Taylor has ever written. I certainly can think of a line or two that makes me shrug a little. But it comes down to the way these lyrics are being talked about – with a clear misunderstanding for their intention and a disregard for context.
For example, take the oft-made-fun-of line from “So High School”, “Touch me while your boys play Grand Theft Auto.” How stupid! How dumb! How cringe! Aren’t you embarrassed to be a fan? Is this really the songwriter of our generation?
Now, you’re right, that is a silly lyric. Wouldn’t it be weird if there was a reason for that?
Well, in this song, Taylor writes about a romance that brings her back to her high school years. As you might be able to pick up from the title, it’s a song about feeling giddy and youthful and all those silly emotions that teenagers feel when in love. The song features a lot of images that call back to this particular symbol of teenage love. For example, she uses the “marry, kiss, or kill” game to talk about the all-encompassing feeling of this romance (“I’m betting on all three for us two”), a game commonly played by immature teenagers just on the cusp of understanding these concepts in their own lives.
So, perhaps, that silliness and immaturity may in fact be the point. Maybe.
Or, take the line from “Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me”, “You wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me”. Didn’t Taylor Swift grow up on a Christmas tree farm in Pennsylvania? Eye roll!
But hold on, what’s the rest of that song even about? Perhaps it’s about the alienation of fame, the way celebrities are demonized and made out to be monsters by the people seeking to take advantage of them. Considering that, it makes a lot less sense that Taylor would be speaking about her actual hometown, but instead the experience she had growing up famous. “The asylum” is fame, not a Christmas tree farm in Pennsylvania.
The thing about these examples and others is that I’m not exactly doing extremely in-depth analysis of these songs to come to these conclusions. The fact that “So High School” uses teenage imagery and “Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me” is a song about the perils of fame feel like fairly surface-level understandings of each song. And again, I don’t point these out to say that either song is perfect and above criticism. But it’s obvious to me that people are dunking on these lyrics with absolutely no intention of actually understanding the music. And of course, right? They’re just posting these lines no-context for cheap laughs and controversy from the Swifties.
And that’s fine, except that this is the highest amount of engagement a lot of people will bother with with this album before they decide that TTPD is a cringe, immature, hack piece of art with no depth. And then, they’ll go ahead and confront anyone actually trying to understand and engage with this art on a deeper level with this assumption.
I know this happens because it happened to me. I posted my review of the album on my Tumblr (the main place where I post things about this blog) and I got a lot more traction and attention on it than I usually do. Most of the comments I received were positive, don’t get me wrong, but I had one extremely weird interaction.
Under ordinary circumstances, the initial comment is one I maybe wouldn’t have interacted with. But, it was such a strange comment to receive on a review where I mostly engaged with the themes of the work. I hadn’t really put forth a strong stance on the album’s “perfection”. And even if I had, it was clearly one fan’s review of an album on her own blog, so I wasn’t sure why it mattered why “a lot of critics and even Swifties” hadn’t liked it – this was my opinion. I was not under oath to report on anyone else’s opinion but my own.
With full honesty, at the time, I hadn’t really clarified much of my opinion on TTPD‘s overall quality. I just knew that it had moved me and intrigued me on a thematic level, which is why that was the focus of the review. But along came this person, who stated themselves that “none of it” was for them, who felt the need to tell me that I was wrong for enjoying the album because other people hadn’t.
I don’t know anything about this person. I don’t know if they really did take the time to listen to the album and draw their conclusion on it, but I kind of doubt it. If they had, they’d be able to articulate exactly what imperfections I had overlooked, and not lean on the supposed chorus of people who already decided that the album wasn’t worth engaging with thematically.
But no matter what was the truth, how am I supposed to have a conversation with this kind of attitude? I’m sorry, but I find the idea of someone who hasn’t done the work to understand a piece of art tracking down someone who has just to scold them about how they’re wrong… obnoxious. Is there any more of a thought killer than “this piece of work is stupid and you’re stupid for engaging with it”? It’s just made every conversation I’ve had with non-Swifties about this album a dreadful chore, as I try to explain to someone who has already made up their mind that the album isn’t even worth thinking about that, actually, I found a lot to poke at and analyze and even, god forbid, enjoy about it.
I will never say that I am some sort of perfect, objective perspective on Taylor Swift. I mean, obviously. I am a huge fan of hers, and I cannot be trusted to not let that factor into my assessment of her work. But also, I talk about her work with a deep and really passionate understanding of it, and I find it obnoxious trying to have a conversation with others with a similar understanding over the din of people who just want to dunk on the album shallowly for internet points.
And this is why I am saying today, in no uncertain terms. You don’t have to care about Taylor Swift. You don’t have to listen to her music. You don’t have to pay attention to her lyrics. You don’t have to be a part of a conversation about a piece of work when you haven’t really engaged with it. If someone brings up Taylor Swift in front of you, you can shrug and say “I don’t care for her,” and continue the conversation about something else. It’s okay! I’m giving you permission. I think it would make everyone happier.
I really think a lot of the people who hate Taylor Swift so much do way more thinking about her than I think is really advisable for their own peace of mind. What other artist is inspiring people who despise them to drop everything and discuss their album on release week? Take Drake, for example. I don’t really like Drake all that much. I don’t have this opinion based on anything really deep – I’ve just seen things here and there that just don’t make me like him all that much. However, he is one of the biggest artists in the world, and every time he drops new music, I see a ton of people stop to talk about it.
Do you know how much Drake music I’ve sought out in these moments? None.
Do you know how many times I’ve found a positive review of Drake music and commented on how it’s wrong? 0.
I just don’t really care about him all that much. And honestly, I think my life is better for it. I get to spend my energy delving into art I do care about, positively or negatively. I can spend my energy discussing art with other people who have also thought about that art enough to do more than shallowly dunk on it.
I hope I’m not coming off flippant of those who didn’t like TTPD. I think it’s likely going to go down in history as a divisive piece of art. But I think there’s a difference between giving the album an honest chance and coming out disappointed and waving it off with nothing more than an eyeroll and thinking that that’s an informed opinion.
Perhaps this is unavoidable, though. After all, Taylor Swift is probably the most talked-about person in the world. Literally anything she does (and doesn’t do) gets talked to death by just about everyone. Maybe I’m hoping for something that will never happen.
But I just want to be free of the stupid takes. I am tired of hearing about Taylor Swift from people who haven’t really thought all that hard about her. I’m sick of it.
Next time: Hopefully something non-Taylor Swift related. I promise.
If you know anything at all about Taylor Swift, you know she writes songs about the men she’s dated. Or, maybe more accurately, she is known for writing songs about men she’s dated. After all, if you’re a fan, you know that the reality is something a little more complex.
Fans of Taylor Swift know that her confessional and brutally honest brand of autobiographical song writing persists even for those songs that are decidedly not about her “ex of the moment”, and that those songs arguably have become a lot more present in her recent projects.
This is partly due to Taylor’s evolution as an artist, but also practical factors. From 2016-2023, she had no recent exes. She spent that time dating British actor Joe Alwyn, a relationship she wrote about so extensively that the symbols and imagery she used to describe it became a vocabulary of sorts. But in that time she also wrote a lot about herself: her anxieties, her career, her image of herself. And she wrote about others – her family and friends sometimes, but very notably, she wrote about fictional characters and worlds on her wildly successful eighth and ninth albums, folklore and evermore.
The sense I’ve always gotten is less of a disinterest in the kind of writing that people knew her for, but rather an interest in expanding her horizons. Even when she arguably returned to autobiography in Midnights, she took extensive inspiration from her past, seemingly inspired by her recent project of rerecording her first six albums, to craft an overall narrative about the complexity of memory and its reverberations on the present.
But then, in 2023, news of Taylor and Joe’s breakup went public. Suddenly, the queen of writing about her own heartbreak had a fresh heartbreak to write about. Public discourse from those both in the know and not in the know turned to the question, “What’s she going to write about him?”
Earlier this year, Taylor announced THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT, her 11th studio album. Just about everyone – fans and the general public alike – knew that this would be the album where she talked about it. When the first revealed snippet of the album’s prologue said, “My muses, aquired like bruises… All’s fair in love and poetry”, everyone knew who the muse would be.
But, as we’ve come to find out, the reality is something a little more complex.
Last week, I began my ridiculous mission of ranking the songs on every single one of Taylor Swift’s ten studio albums in advance of her eleventh, coming next week. I highly recommend you go back and check that one out first to hear a bit more about my thought process going into this project, but otherwise all you’ll be missing is my rankings of Taylor’s first five albums – from her self-titled debut up through 1989.
I also promised last week to share a fully updated playlist of my top 100 Taylor Swift songs this week, and I have delivered. Based on my rankings in this post and last week, I’ve combined it into a “condensed” playlist of all of my favorites of hers right now. Might be a nice way to get into her discography, (or convert one of your non-Swiftie friends if you’ve already drank the Kool-Aid.)
Okay, so… let’s just say I’m a little excited for the impending release of Taylor Swift’s 11th studio album THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT.
Let’s just say I also happen to be in the midst of writing my master’s thesis, and thus, am in a bit of a manic mental state.
Let’s just say that I decided to put that manic energy into a fun little activity to get excited for the next entry in Taylor Swift’s discography by going through all of her ten current albums and ranking the songs on them.
Hypothetically, since there’s so many songs, this project would probably take me two posts. But hey, I’ve been focused on making better blog posts come out at a slightly slower pace, so this is absolutely perfect, right?
The world is waking up again. I go outside and I can hear birds again. Plants are starting to poke back up, strong and green. I see the family of rabbits that live near my apartment darting between trees, just now starting to grow leaves (or even bloom with little flower buds).
This time of year seems to have affected Kacey Musgraves, too. Her new album Deeper Well is soft and acoustic, ruminating on nature, growth, and new beginnings.
Last time we heard her was 2021’s star-crossed, a departure from the then pure country artist. I liked star-crossed quite a bit – it was my introduction to Kacey, but I was aware that its produced and bombastic pop sound was more than a little divisive among her fans. Let it be known that I still feel a great deal of affection for that album and its experimental role in Kacey’s discography, but this return to form does make me understand why longtime fans may have been disappointed. It is wonderful to hear her in her wheelhouse.
There was a time not so very long ago that I was a dedicated fan of Japanese animation. I was always working my way through one show or another, participating in fan communities and reading and looking for fanart and fanfiction to enjoy.
And then… something changed. My tastes, I guess. Some of those anime I loved back in the day just didn’t age as well, and I was moving on to other things. By the time I got into college, I just wasn’t really tuned in to which anime were the most popular, and the medium fully dropped from my radar.
But in recent weeks something has shifted. Likely, it’s been my recent habit of having a Mother’s Basement video on in the background while I work, but I started compiling a list of anime he mentioned that I thought me and my partner might enjoy watching together. Suddenly, we had plowed our way through several of the shows on my list.
Today I bring you a list of our favorites from this recent anime habit – a mix of genres from romance to fantasy to action, old classics and currently-running favorites. All of them I highly recommend for anime fans seasoned and new, loyal and, like me, returning after some time away.
Before the release of my personal most-anticipated re-record, Speak Now Taylor’s Version, I wrote a post analyzing the themes of the album as a way to speculate on and look forward to all the ways that the re-record might iterate upon and build on the story the original album told. I think of that post as a real success story as far as my “fathoming themes” skills is concerned, as I zeroed in on the naivete and whimsical fantasy captured by vault songs like “Foolish One” and “Timeless,” before I even heard them.
I’d like to try something a little similar today, but for the opposite reason. Unlike with Speak Now, where I was anticipating the themes of a new take, I want to take a look back at the themes of Taylor’s tenth studio album, Midnights.
Last time you saw me, I was inspired by my recent and enthusiastic foray back into my nostalgic childhood playground of Neopets to review every one of the 55 pet species available on the website. Of course, that’s a tall order for just one post, so I decided to split it into two.
Therefore, if you haven’t read last week’s post, it might be useful for you to do so! If you’re caught up, though, strap in. We’ve still got quite a few of these lil’ guys to get through.
Kyrii
One thing I’ve yet to mention is a few Neopets have unique interactions with certain types of items in-game. The Kyrii is one of these species. The entire population is said to have an allergy to apples, and will thus get sick if fed any item with the word “apple” in the name.
Unfortunately, this is one of the more interesting things about the Kyrii, in my opinion. I just can’t put my finger on why, exactly, but I’ve never really liked them. Their fox-like design seems like it would be cute and appealing, but I think it has something to do with their facial expression. There’s something almost… bro-y about them? Like, I’d imagine them shotgunning lite beers underneath my window at an ungodly hour or something.
This has sort of always been the case for them, even with their classic pre-customization design. I do think some of their colors pre-customization are a lot more cute than their current designs, though. The Maraquan, for example, translates the smug smile into something a lot more curious and cute. And I totally love both the Royalgirl and Royalboy UC Kyriis – so much personality in their poses and some really strong color schemes for them both.
UC Royalgirl Kyrii
It’s sort of unfortunate that I respond so badly to the faces of these pets, because honestly I can totally see the appeal. And there is a famous Kyrii I hold close to my heart – Jacques – the best friend of pirate captain Garin from the Curse of Maraqua plot, a favorite of mine when I was a kid.
Lenny
Lennies are a species I don’t see many people saying nice things about, and honestly, I don’t think that’s fair at all. Like the Gnorbu, this is a species with an inherent sort of humor to it. It’s tall, skinny body, three thin little feathers on its tail, and silly little parted “hairdo” on its head, it has a kind of nerdy look to it. You imagine a Lenny being the type of student in class to correct the teacher.
Still, I definitely prefer their pre-customization look. The way they hold their wings in the current design, again, meant to make them able to hold an item, just looks odd to me. I like their original friendly wave and huge smile pose.
The most popular Lenny color is the Faerie Lenny, for reasons that are exceedingly obvious to me. Its gorgeous, graceful, peacock-inspired design is totally unique and unlike any other Faerie color. And, it’s especially gorgeous in the once-again available nostalgic design.
UC Faerie Lenny
But I think the Lenny has plenty of other cute colors. I think their spindly look is totally fitting for the witchy look of their Halloween coloration, and I quite like the touch of their rainbow coloration referencing a Macaw and their Pink coloration referencing a flamingo. The Mutant is also totally vulture-like, which I love.
Lupe
It would be hard to imagine a pet website trying to cater to a broad population without making some sort of wolf pet available. Relatable in the way they resemble dogs but with a wild streak that gives them a cool, mysterious edge.
The Lupe, therefore, captures a lot of that understandable yet mysterious vibe of its inspiration. Neopian lore upholds the species’ loyalty, but notes that a wild ancestry causes even modern Lupes to have a predatory instinct, particularly toward Chias. This is why a lot of Lupe snacks in the modern day are Chia-shaped, though polite society demands they not actually hunt their fellow Neopians. This is a detail I find kind of hilarious and so very Neopets.
Lupes are great, solid pets with a ton of fun colors. I also think they fared quite well in their conversion to modern designs, with a much cuter and friendlier face in my humble opinion. Still, there’s something beautiful and classic about the unconverted Royalgirl Lupe. The Halloween Lupe, too, lost a bit of his uniqueness in the conversion, though both colors still look pretty appealing to me in the modern day.
UC Halloween Lupe
Though I don’t love the Lupe as much as the other canine Neopet, the Gelert, that is absolutely not the Lupe’s fault. (It’s hard to live up to perfection, after all). I have every intention to add a Lupe to my collection of pets one of these days.
Lutari
Though there are definitely rarer and harder to get pets than the Lutari, I’ve always felt like the Lutari is the most elusive pet in Neopia. Though it can be created on its pet day, same as every other limited pet except the Draik and the Krawk, I think its unique species trait is what earns it this vibe in my heart. Lutaris cannot be abandoned in the Neopian pound. Anytime a user attempts to pound their Lutari will instead see the pet run away.
Though this trait may have been given to the species in order to preserve its exclusivity to those using the outdated mobile version of the website, which was originally the only place to get them, nowadays it characterizes the Lutari as a species with a wild and untamed heart and a certain rarity. I very rarely see them around the site, so it’s kind of hard to fully judge their popularity.
Maraquan Lutari
By my metric, though, Lutaris are really cool pets. I love otters, and the Lutari totally captures what is so fun and cute about them. I also really enjoy many of their colors, including the very recently-released Medusa-inspired Halloween Lutari and the silly yet adorable Axolotl-inspired Maraquan Lutari. The Desert Lutari also has total protagonist energy.
Meerca
I’ve had plenty to say about the various orbs of Neopia. Some I have vehemently defended. Others, I have turned away from in horror. The Meerca is the final Neopet in the orb family, and you might wonder what my opinions are of it.
And well… I like them. But the reason why is maybe a little weird.
Back in the day, Neopets was a fairly huge brand. Owned by Viacom, it got a ton of ads and merchandise alongside the other major kids brands of the 2010s, including the most coveted position of all – the McDonalds toy. I have vivid memories of excitedly cracking open a Happy Meal to reveal various Neopets plush toys, most of which are gone now, unfortunately.
But I totally remember one of the toys being a green Meerca. I remember being totally obsessed with the Meerca’s fabric tail, and I can still remember the feeling of the fabric beneath my fingers as I rolled and unrolled it. It’s a sensory memory that has stuck with me all these years and, in sort of an odd way, has always endeared the Meerca to me.
Candy Meerca
Sure, it doesn’t have enough of a body to really have a lot of expression, but I think its tiny little arms and legs and long, long tail have enough personality to communicate quite a lot more than the JubJub or… shudders… Kiko ever could.
Plus, the Candy Meerca is a fruit by the foot! What’s not to love.
Moehog
You can just look at the Moehog and tell that it’s unpopular. It’s a squat little pig Neopet with tusks. Compared to the cuteness, grace, and coolness factor of so many other species, how could it ever compete?
And you know what? I won’t stand for it.
I love pigs. I think they’re way underrated as an animal – smart, friendly, and a vital food source for many. The Moehog totally captures that grounded, honest appeal. Maybe you don’t like pigs, but I do.
I also think their design has gotten a lot more appealing in the modern conversion. Gone is the weird, grimace-like smile they once had, now they wear a legitimately very cute little smile.
Mutant Moehog
Sure, they may not have an abundance of amazing colors. But I would be remiss not to mention the absolute horrifying beauty of the Mutant Moehog. Many Neopet Mutants are pretty horrific, but the Mutant Moehog takes that so much further than just about anyone else. It’s a sight to behold, and I know that sounds like a bad thing, but I totally mean it in a good way. I swear.
Honestly, I wish the Moehog had a bit more love for it. I refuse to fall victim to the obvious pig = bad thing. The Moehog deserves better.
Mynci
My feeling about the Mynci is pretty similar to another Neopet I reviewed in my last post, the Bruce. It’s a bit cursed by the fact that it is such a faithful recreation of the animal it’s based on. The Mynci is basically just a Monkey with a cartoon style. It’s absolutely nothing you haven’t seen before a million times in a lot of different places.
In some way, I wish their design was a bit less simplified. While I’m sure this wasn’t the intended read, their smooth, furless linework suggests that they’re some kind of horrifying skin-monkey (which, as I reflect, is essentially just a human. But I don’t want a human Neopet.)
Faerie Mynci
Adding insult to injury, they’ve become way less cute since their conversion into the customizable design. It’s something in the face, I think. Again, like the Bruce, current Myncis just have a kind of indecipherable emotion on their face that just doesn’t look like a personality. It’s just vacant. There’s nothing going on behind those eyes. By contrast, the old design at least had a much cuter face.
None of their colors really interest me much, either. I think I respond best when the colors bestow the Mynci with a little hairdo, like in their Faerie and Disco colorations. But are these colors I like? No.
Nimmo
Much has been said, in this post and in other posts, about the changes that have occurred to many Neopets species when the site made customization available. If you listen to most Neopians who existed for the change, you’ll understand the change to be almost unilaterally terrible.
But as you’ve probably come to notice from my opinions, this isn’t always the case. I actually think the conversion was an improvement for a not-insignificant number of Neopets. Plus, the ability to customize your Neopet, even one with a slightly less dynamic pose, does offer its own kind of unique personality and dynamism, even if the design itself isn’t as good.
The Nimmo, though? I totally get why Nimmo fans would be upset with this change.
The original Nimmo was a silly, skinny frog. The design saw the Nimmo crouched in a pose that simultaneously evoked the crouch of a frog but also a sort of meditative pose. It’s silly and cute, particularly with the Nimmo’s eyes closed in a little smile and its long froggy tongue hanging out. Adorable, silly, fun.
UC Spotted Nimmo
The new Nimmo might seem at a glance to be similar. It too crouches in a dual frog/meditation pose. But it’s the face that really unnerves me. Gone is the fun expression, showing that the pose is meant as a lighthearted bit of personality. Now, the Nimmo stares unnervingly out the screen at you, its legs splayed apart.
It’s… um… let’s just say, I don’t really like the vibe.
To all Nimmo owners – I’m so sorry.
Ogrin
I always think this Neopet’s name is spelled “Origin.” Now, why is that?
Ogrins are just silly little guys. I think they’re meant to look like okapis, and if you know that they’re a fairly faithful adaptation. But unlike a penguin or a monkey, the lack of general familiarity with the species they’re based on gives them an air of fantasy and alienness that works really well for a Neopet.
The problem is, like with many other species, that while they have a pretty cute and interesting base design, I just do not much like many of the colors that are available to them. I sympathize a bit – a lot of other Neopets have design inspirations that really suggest directions to take with the different colors. But Okapis? What do people know about Okapis? What unique design directions can you take them? So, most Ogrin colors just kind of look standard to me.
Baby Ogrin
I think their Royal variations are fun, and the Baby is very cute, but none of the other colors are really all that memorable.
I really would love to like these Neopets a whole lot more, but I just can’t find it in myself to invest in a species with such an uninspired collection of colors.
Peophin
So, I was a horse girl as a kid. And I loved mermaids. So, a mermaid horse? Oh, I’m so there.
There’s a ton of examples of aquatic horses across mythology. In particular, I think of Greek Mythology, which surmised that horses were created out of seafoam. Though this has absolutely no rooting in the real world (I don’t think horses are generally all that happy about swimming), it’s such a fun idea for a fantasy world like Neopia. How could a young horse girl not fantasize about exploring the depths of the ocean on back of their majestic water pony?
There’s also just something about the current design that speaks to the horse girl locked away in my heart even today. While I think there’s appeal in the Peophin’s original design, it just doesn’t hold a candle to the energy and dynamism of the current Peophin’s pose and expression. The way they hold their front hooves up and curve their aquatic tail behind them suggests energy and curiosity that their backward-looking smile just adds to. Just looking at a Peophin makes me smile.
Toy Peophin
So, of course, the second Neopet I ever made was my beloved Aqua, whom I eventually painted Tyrannian. Tyrannian is just one of the many great colors available to this species, including Chocolate, Christmas, Darigan, Desert, Royalgirl and Royalboy, and Toy.
Peophins are honestly underrated. Sure, they’re not inventing something brand-new here, but I admire a design well done even if it’s not totally original.
Poogle
Another limited edition pet, I feel conflicted on the Poogle. While its design is pretty alien, with a similar head shape to the Kacheek but on a quadruped body, its role on the website and name based on “poodle” suggests that it’s supposed to be a kind of dog. And… I don’t know, guys, I just don’t see it?
I really think the Poogle is a pet that has really benefited from the fact that it’s limited. I think if it wasn’t, it would be just another mid, bland pet in the vein of the Acara. Still, I think there’s something cute about its facial expression, even if I don’t really like how stiff and personality-less its pose is. This has kind of always been the case, as the Poogle’s design probably changed the least of any other Neopet in the conversion to customization.
Toy Poogle
The big saving grace for the Poogle for me, funnily enough, is one color. A color that was very recently released, in fact. The Toy Poogle is meant to be an iDog and… as a child of the 2000s and 2010s, this design choice totally tickles me and totally makes me see the dog in the Poogle I wasn’t able to see before. Honestly, this one color is what pushed me away from some of my more negative perspectives on this pet and toward something more like admiration.
I still do wish there was a bit more personality in the design of this Neopet, but I can see why others like it.
Pteri
Of the bird Neopets, I think I like the design sensibilities of the Pteri the best. As its name cheekily hints, this Neopet is not just a bird, it’s meant to be a Pterodactyl, the extinct flying ancestor of modern birds. (I have to assume. I am not a paleontology expert.)
What I like about that, though, is despite this inspiration, it’s clear that the Pteri is a bird. But it’s in the little details – its more reptilian tail, the included talons on its feet, and the fierce gaze in its eye, that suggest something a little bigger, a little more ancient, a little meaner.
Like the Meerca, I think some of my affection for this pet comes from the fact I owned a McDonalds plushie of the Pteri that I treasured. But, while I do like this pet, it’s never been enough to convince me to own one myself, even if I do like a few of their colors. The Faerie Pteri is probably its strongest, though I also love the humor of the baby Pteri (it’s literally just an egg). Oh, and the Valentine Pteri has a little heart-shaped cowlick on its head – so cute.
Faerie Pteri
Anyway, I respect the Pteri. It deserves much more love from Neopians, I think. With a solid design, it deserves a spot in the hearts of many.
Quiggle
Neopet’s second frog fares a lot better, in my opinion. Whereas the Nimmo stretched the frog out into a more humanoid body with a nonetheless froglike pose, the Quiggle maintains a froglike body but stands upright like a human. Feel free to feel differently, but I find the latter so much less strange and off-putting.
Plus, there’s a good history of lovely and endearing humor surrounding the Quiggle species. Neopets has a Barbie analogue, the Usuki, a popular fashion doll based on a Usul Neopet (more on them later). Then, in a play on the proud tradition of knock-offs of popular toys being made, Neopets introduced the Quiguki – just like the Usuki, but obviously far uglier and cheaper and less desirable. (It is, after all, literally a frog, a fairytale symbol of ugliness). I think that’s a really fun addition to the species lore, with it literally being a knock-off ugly version of a fashion doll. There’s such silliness in that.
Halloween Quiggle
Unfortunately, I do think the Quiggle lost some of its appeal in its conversion to modern design. The original Quiggle design featured the Quiggle jumping and cheering, with a big wide open mouth. By comparison, the modern Quiggle is really subdued-looking – it obviously lost a lot of its personality, which I think is a real shame.
Still, I find many Quiggle colors really fun and appealing. The Elderly Boy and Girl have such a fun outfit, and the Halloween Quiggle is a unique take on a spooky theme with an undertaker outfit.
Ruki
Looking at the Buzz is made even worse when you look at the other insectoid Neopet available – the far more appealing Ruki. Poor Buzz.
The Ruki is a fun take on a beetle, and that’s high praise coming from me, considering I am terrified of real-life beetles. But the Ruki just grabs a lot of insect-like traits but never traverses too far into the creepy or weird territory to make them off-putting. They look like a friendly little ant, with their cutely bent over antennae and almost centaur-like pose with four of their legs on the ground and two acting like “arms”.
Ruki have also remained pretty consistent, design-wise, thoughout their time on the website. One thing that has changed, though, is their transition into becoming a limited pet with the release of the Vandagyre in 2014. I’m unsure as to why this happened – perhaps the team felt like there needed to be a stable number of always-available pets, and therefore needed to move a regular pet into the limited pool when a new one was released? No idea.
Mutant Ruki
Some of my favorite Ruki colors include the obvious-yet-appreciated ladybug vibes of the spotted Ruki, the pretty pastel coloration of the Faerie Ruki, and the cool-yet-menacing vibes of the Mutant Ruki. There’s a lot to love about these guys. I’m a fan, and I would definitely consider adopting one of my own.
Scorchio
Next to wolves, dragons seem like the next-most obvious design inspiration for a pet website. Neopets has several – the Draik, which I’ve already talked about, and the next three Neopets, which all just so happen to be next to each other alphabetically and provide three variations on a dragon character. They basically beg to all be compared to one another, so compare I shall.
The Draik is a pretty straightforward fantasy dragon – notably reptilian in its design. The Scorchio, by comparison, feels like a more childish fantasy dragon. This is a bit of a dramatic example, but their differences remind me of the differences between, say, a dragon from a Fantasy RPG and the dragons from the PBS series Dragon Tales. The Scorchio is far less reptilian, with a chunkier and friendlier body.
I think both approaches to the dragon are valid and appealing in their own right, but I think the Scorchio unfortunately suffers a bit in popularity because of how straightforwardly a normal dragon it is, but less cool than the Draik. I can’t think of many scenarios where someone who wants a fantasy dragon Neopet would opt for the Scorchio over the Draik, except for the reason that Scorchios are far easier to get.
UC Faerie Scorchio
Still, I only feel bad for these guys because I think there’s something so likeable about them. Their big childish features are totally adorable. So, it’s pretty unfortunate that I also have to say that I don’t love very many of their colors. I think the nostalgic Faerie Scorchio is really adorable, with a very curious and unique pose, but I otherwise don’t love a lot of the other colors, particularly the modern ones. And, well, as you’ll see, that means that the Scorchio, in my opinion, doesn’t fare very well when compared to their other dragon brethren. So let’s explore the next one, shall we?
Shoyru
Throughout these two posts, I’ve identified a few Neopet species that feel very quintessentially Neopet to me. Like mascots, these species sum up and represent the website’s design sensibilities in a classic yet unique way. These Neopets are generally identifiable in their design inspirations, but have a fresh and unique take that can’t be seen in many other places.
The Shoyru is totally one of these pets, and their massive popularity on the site shows how successful this combination of relatability and uniqueness can be. The Shoyru is obviously a dragon, but there’s something about its body and particularly its head shape that doesn’t feel like it’s been done before. The Shoyru arguably has really simple features, but those simple features make it cute and appealing and importantly versatile. The Shoyru can come off cool, cute, scary, gorgeous, or anything in between.
It’s also another pet that I’ve heard is really fun and easy to customize, though I have yet to own one myself (though I’d definitely be open to owning one).
Maraquan Shoyru
The Shoyru also has a ton of really appealing colors, both pre- and post- modernization. I think my favorite is the Maraquan Shoyru, which is the cutest little sea turtle, and the Royalgirl and Royalboy Shoyrus which are interesting fantasy royals.
So, in comparison to the Scorchio, I think it’s pretty no-contest here. The Shoyru is much more versatile in design and iconic than its fellow dragon, to the point where I often wonder why the Neopets team felt the need to include both. And, while yes, it definitely also seems like a cuter dragon than the Draik, I think it carries the additional benefit of also having the capacity to look cool that the Scorchio, unfortunately, does not.
But what about that third S dragon, eh?
Skeith
Unpopular opinion. I love Skeiths.
No, they’re not cute. They’re not really cool, either. But they are absolutely and unapologetically their own thing. They’re the villain.
Dragons play lots of roles in our stories, but for a pet site like Neopets it makes a lot of sense that most of the Dragon Neopets focus on the traits of Dragons that make them cool and heroic or even cute and cuddly. But a ton of dragons, arguably most dragons, are villains. They’re monsters. They sit on huge hoards of treasure and breath fire at dashing heroes. They cause natural disasters. They’re terrifying gods, uninterested in the goings-on of mortals.
The Skeith might not be majestic. It might not even be all that scary. But it totally plays with this common role of the dragon as the antagonist. The Skeith is big and tough-looking. They’re fat (which the Neopedia goes out of its way to remark is just the way they’re built and is not a problem to be solved – hell yeah). They have a big smile of sharp teeth. They have all these traits that, in our (probably quite flawed) societal expectations, mark them as clear villains.
If you don’t like the Skeith, congratulations, its design has done its job. I know that seems odd for a website that is supposed to encourage people to adopt and care for pets, but I nonetheless love it as a character. Every Skeith that has ever existed has been totally its own unique little beastie with a distinctive personality, appealing traits be damned, and that is something I can’t help but love.
Faerie Skeith
Unfortunately, I think modern Skeiths are way less appealing than their previous design, which was arguably kind of cute in its own way. Still, I like more Skeith colors than I realized, including the adorable Faerie Skeith and the fittingly beastly Mutant and Maraquan Skeiths.
Skeiths are probably the least popular of all the dragon Neopets, but I really respect the reason why that is. It’s not because they’re plain or boring – it’s because they’re so unapologetically exactly as they are that it puts many people off. But those who love the Skeith REALLY love the Skeith, and that’s something to be celebrated, I think.
Techo
With certain animals, making an appealing cartoon design of them walks a fine line. Cartoons of animals (and anything nonhuman, for that matter), often has to reach for humanoid traits in order to get an audience to relate to and find a nonhuman character appealing and relatable.
For some animals, that’s pretty easy. Dogs and cats, for example, spend enough time around humans that their behaviors are common and easily understood. Many social animals also have behaviors and features that are generally relatable to humans, as we are also social animals. Mammals, too, share traits with humans. But some animals don’t have these design shortcuts. I think reptiles are some of the most common animals I see with this problem.
Reptiles have features that are just inherently seen as scary and off-putting by many. They lack expressive faces, and many also lack expressive limbs. So, people creating a cartoon reptile face a choice – take the reptileness out of the reptile to make it appealing, or risk losing people with a non-relatable design?
Woodland Techo
That was a long-winded way for me to get to my point about the Techo… which is that I don’t think it’s a super successful example of this. The original Techo is, in my opinion, way too human-looking. It’s just a weird, naked little guy with a tail. I think the modern Techo is getting somewhere a little better, but I’ll be real – it’s mostly in the service of being super boring.
I just want something to hold onto with this guy. A fun facial expression? A pose? A unique species feature? There’s just nothing here. Even colors that could have lent it a bit more fun don’t even take the chance to do so. (The Woodland one is kind of neat, though. I like the leaf on its torso and tail.)
Ho hum.
Tonu
The poor Tonu. When I’ve talked about previous limited pets, I’ve noted that the exclusivity is often a secret sauce to elevating a good design to one that is extremely coveted. I’m objective enough to note that for how appealing bunnies tend to be, the Cybunny wouldn’t be half as prized and coveted if it were easier to make.
However, it’s important to note that exclusivity absolutely will not elevate a bad design to greatness. The Tonu is the perfect example of this.
The Tonu is a prehistoric-looking… creature? It has a mane like a lion, but horns and a body resembling a rhino. According to the Neopedia, they lay eggs. It’s an odd little thing, and definitely not what I would call cute or pretty or appealing in any obvious way.
To any Tonu lovers out there, I salute and respect you, but I just can’t see much appeal here.
Candy Tonu
I will say – I love the Candy Tonu. It’s cotton candy, and it has a cute color scheme. The Elderlygirl and boy also have something to them – going for an aging knight, something a lot more unique than the generic “old person” vibes of the other Elderly pets. I even like the flowy mane of the Faerie Tonu! I just unfortunately can’t picture the person who jumps through the hoops to get a Tonu just for these just okay colors on a pretty bafflingly-designed pet.
Tuskaninny
I’ve identified several Neopets along the way that feel a little doomed from the start with their inspirations. I mean, put up against Neopets based on dogs, wolves, cats, dragons, and other more relatable and commonly beloved creatures, Neopets based on pigs, okapis, and yes, walruses, don’t stand a huge chance in the “appealing to a mass audience” game.
Regardless, I think the Tuskaninny is a really cute pet, in a similar way I feel about the Flotsam. It has a sweet, classic cartoon face. I also really like the tiny little tuft of hair on the top of its head. If there is one small thing I don’t love about the design, it’s the lost potential of its name versus its design. This is a Tuskaninny, and yet, where are its tusks? Perhaps omitting the tusks was an attempt to keep focus on the cute face, but I think there absolutely could have been a cute design that included the obvious walrus-y trait of tusks.
Mutant Tuskaninny
This makes the Tuskaninny a little bland in some ways – not cute enough to really compete with other pets but not interesting enough to serve as a really fun fantasy representation of its animal inspiration.
Still, the Mutant Tuskaninny sees the return of these missing tusks, making it a design I like a lot more. I also think the Royalgirl Tuskaninny is really fun and cute. So, while I wish the Tuskaninny’s design was a bit more interesting, I still like it well enough.
Uni
As you know, I was a horse girl as a kid. So, you are likely not surprised to find out that the Uni was another Neopet I really loved and immediately made for myself as a child – see my beloved Emily. But, like the Peophin, I argue that even non-horsegirls can find a lot to enjoy with the Uni.
Sure, it’s not exactly the most original of designs. It’s a unicorn with cute little wings. But I think what really makes the Uni a great pet is the huge variety of fun colors available to it. Going down the list, I really love the Baby, Brown, Candy, Chocolate, Halloween, Island, Maraquan, Royalboy, Royalgirl, Spotted, Woodland, and Wraith. Amongst these colors are cute looks, pretty looks, and even scary looks, with the Halloween Uni in particular probably being one of the most well-designed and beloved species and pet colors on the website.
Halloween Uni
And also, while it does feel a bit obvious, I also enjoy that Unis are characterized as a bit vain by various Neopedia entries. While I feel like associating the obvious femininity in the Uni’s design with concern for appearance is certainly… well, not the best impulse, I definitely remember finding this characteristic inspiring as a kid creating a Uni. I definitely enjoyed leaning into the imagined personality of my own Uni, giving her a flaw that, under normal circumstances, I likely wouldn’t have thought to give to my beloved pet.
So, yes, the Uni isn’t a terribly unique design. But I love it, and it’s a definite favorite of mine.
Usul
The Usul is a fluffy, cute little squirrel Neopet that comes by default with a big fluffy bow around its tail and two little bands around each of its pointy, rabbit-like ears. Just from a glance you can see the appeal – it’s a cute, prim little Neopet, similar in personality to the Uni.
As mentioned before, it also has its own distinctive place in Neopian lore, standing in as the Barbie analogue Usuki. That association says a lot, too, marking the Usul as the sort of mainstream “perfect girl” type, carrying with it all the cultural baggage that accompanies such a concept.
It’s hard not to like the Usul, so like it I do. This appeal is reflected in just how many notable Neopian characters are Usuls – including my name twin, Gilly, and the probably a bit more beloved and iconic Garin of the Curse of Maraqua plot and Hannah of, well, just about everything plot. (An extra thing I think is funny about Hannah and Usuki, by the way, is that the official Hannah Usuki doll is called the “Usuki Pirate Wench”. Why does the creator of the Usuki hate Hannah so much?)
Usukigirl Usul
Usuls have some nice colors as well – I love the soft gradient of the Pastel, and the silly snail inspired design of the Maraquan. I like that the White Usul has red eyes and red accessories to match. And then of course there are the two Usuki themed colors exclusive (sort of) to the Usul, the Usuki girl and Usuki boy, which are also pretty cute.
Vandagyre
A thing to know about most modern Neopets users is that they are a majority adults who loved the game as children coming back for that good, good dose of nostalgia. That’s the case for me and just about everyone else I’ve interacted with on the website. So maybe that will go to explain why the Vandagyre is so unfairly maligned.
Just looking at its design might suggest that it would enjoy some popularity. It’s a cute little panda/owl hybrid, two beloved animals that were nonetheless not represented in the Neopets lineup up until 2014, when the Vandagyre was first “discovered.” But that’s the rub – the date of this pet’s release.
I think the Vandagyre has just never quite made it into the hearts of all of these returning users. Because they were released post-customization update, the Vandagyre never got any design other than the stiff, fist-out pose it arrived with, giving it a pretty steep disadvantage even over converted pets. After all, though these pets now had these stiff designs, they at least at one point had the nostalgic style and could be imagined with it. That personality was there, even if it didn’t always translate literally into the new design.
Desert Vandagyre
Regardless, it has some cool colors. I really like its Desert design, and the way its Spotted design leans further into the owl inspiration. The Toy one is obviously meant to be a Furby, which is too cute. I even like the pretty cloak it comes with in its Christmas design. There are certainly pets out there with worse and more boring colors.
Anyway, as much as I feel for the Vandagyre, I don’t have one myself and have no plans to get one in the near future, so I guess I’m one to talk. I just sort of feel bad that it’s never been able to fit in with the others.
Wocky
The Wocky has committed a major design crime, in my opinion. It’s boring. It’s basically just a fluffy cat, with its own distinctive design feature being the ruff around its neck (a feature a TON of far cuter, better, and more interesting Neopets also have, by the way).
What’s probably even worse, though, is its absolutely heinous transition into the customization era. The original Wocky design was pretty boring still, but it was at least cute in a sort of “this is just a regular cat” kind of way. However, in the new design, the hint of thin eyebrow somehow got translated to a much thicker line, and its cute, knowing little smile translated into what I can only describe as a leer.
Darigan Wocky
Yes, this is another Neopet that reminds me of some uncomfortable college frat guy, though this one looks like he’s deciding how much misogyny he can get away with while talking to you.
This unfortunate facial choice really only works for the Darigan Wocky, which is pretty cute. I even like the fishy design of the Maraquan Wocky. But, phew, the base design is just too terrible. I’m sorry.
Xweetok
When I first started playing Neopets, you were only allowed to have four pets. So, once I created my Gelert, my Peophin, my Uni, and my Kougra, I was locked out from getting any other pets. However, I quickly came to find out about and deeply covet the Xweetok.
Now that the number of spaces you can have for a pet has expanded (and, also before that, when I learned about making side accounts), I finally got to adopt my own, Icyoka. Xweetoks are just adorable. They have a design reminiscent of both a fox and a squirrel, making it into a fantasy creature that totally looks like it could exist in the real world. And the mixture of these two whimsical forest animals makes this fantasy animal into the ultimate woodland creature, the platonic ideal of stomping though an enchanted wood and meeting a fairy’s pet (or, should I say, a faerie’s pet?)
Royal girl Xweetok
Plus, Xweetoks have gotten limited yet fun characters. I have to shoutout Xandra, the surprise twist villain in the Faeries’ Ruin plot. Her speckled coloration and understandable yet over-the-top motives totally won me over, even while she was betraying my other favorite character, Hanso.
Lots of cute colors, too. The Baby one is cute, as is the Darigan. I love the rat design of the Mutant and the cute purple curls on the Royal girl. But of course, as you might be able to tell, my favorite Xweetok is the Faerie, and specifically the original nostalgic design, as you can now see on Icyoka.
Yurble
You know, I never paid Yurbles much mind. But recently, I came across Vortexverse in the pound, and liked his name and the fact that he was painted Woodland enough to adopt him. Since then, I’ve kind of come to appreciate the Yurble.
This is another Neopet that definitely pulls off the fantasy creature vibe. I’ve always thought of them as hedgehogs, but on closer look, their spiky hair is just that, hair, not spines like a hedgehog. And their curly, almost horn-like ears are totally alien, combined with their bear-like body. The Yurble is a super successful fantasy creature totally unique to Neopets, I think, and that’s commendable.
Origami Yurble
I plan on making Vortexverse into a Maraquan Yurble, because I think the manatee inspiration is really cool. However, there’s a lot of other cute Yurbles out there – I like how the Halloween Yurble references famous Yurble the Tax Beast, and the Origami Yurble has some cool fan fold effects to make up their mane. I also love the Norse design of the Royals.
You know, it’s a shame that Yurbles aren’t more appreciated – they’re definitely a solid and cute Neopet.
Zafara
The final species! Phew, can you believe it?
Zafaras are actually kind of similar to Yurbles in the way they’re totally their own thing. Some say it’s supposed to be a Kangaroo, but besides the long tail, I don’t think there’s any features about the Zafara that really make me think it’s more kangaroo than, say, a Blumaroo. Instead, it comes off to me as a successful amalgamation of a kangaroo, a bunny, and maybe even a little bit of cat thrown in for good measure.
Whatever it is, though, I get the sense that Zafaras are really popular, and it’s not hard to see why. They’re another pet species that is pretty fun to customize, with a design that is animalistic enough not to be too uncanny valley but human enough to show off any clothes they wear.
To me, this is a total turnaround from the way they were before customization – I just don’t remember them being all that popular. Maybe this is the Neopet who has benefited the most from the change! It’s all based on my memory, but it seems like they’ve experienced a boom in popularity.
Christmas Zafara
The Christmas Zafara is really cute with its angel wings and halo, but most of the other colors fall a little into the bland territory for me, personally. Still, I like its base design and with a good customization, the Zafara can be totally your own.
And that’s it! All 55 Neopets species, reviewed. See how they stacked up against each other in my tier ranking below:
If you haven’t heard yet, let me be the first to let you know that nearly 25-year-old browser-based pet game Neopets still exists in the year 2024. I know I told you about this last year, but recent events have led me to believe, shockingly, that things are actually getting better on Neopets.
Despite some early struggles, the new team in charge of the website is making a lot of daring strides to improve things. Just this past week was possibly the hugest move of all – finally breaking the scourge of Unconverted pets.
See, way back in the early 2000s, Neopets was a thriving little pet game beloved by nerdy kids and adults alike, who cared for and raised their precious alien Neopets. Neopets came in basic collection of four colors when first created, but the dream of most users was to one day paint their Neopet into one of many colors. Rather than just an alternate color (though these did exist), many colors provided fun theming to a Neopet, changing their pet into a pirate, a winged faerie, or any number of colors inspired by the fantasy worlds of the website.
When painting your pet this way, pets would change more than just their color – they might gain a little outfit and usually had a fun pose to accompany it. It was a fun end goal – usually pretty expensive – so users worked diligently toward getting colors they loved.
However, users long desired a way to customize their pets even further. There was a collection of clothing items already available on the website that couldn’t do anything, but users wanted to be able to dress up their pets.
In 2007, this feature came to the website. But, it came with a cost – by allowing pets to be customizable, they needed to all be in a consistent-enough pose to make the art demands of creating a new item less astronomical. For most basic colored Neopets, this wasn’t a huge issue, but for many of the more fantastically colored pets, changing their pose to the default would be to drastically change what made them unique and appealing in the first place.
So for owners of pets with a big enough change, the Neopets devs offered them a one-time offer – convert to the new art style and be able to customize their pets, or stick with the classic style and be unable to. The limited number of pets who remained unconverted suddenly became extremely rare – there was no way to create more, after all.
These Neopets became highly sought-after in the Neopet trading circuit, and some even stooped to hacking to obtain these limited pets. This was how things remained for 17 years, with these nostalgic designs locked away only to certain pets and certain users who were old enough to exist before the conversion or who worked an absolutely brutal trade economy to get one.
The existence of these pets also caused so much drama on the website that I couldn’t possibly begin to talk about them all. So, it’s truly great to report that these UC designs are available for the first time in the NC Mall for any user to apply to their pets as a cosmetic option.
It’s a fun time to be a Neopian, so I decided to harness the intense amount of focus and energy I’ve had for this game lately to do a monumental task – give my opinion on each of the 55 unique Neopet species in the game. Now, I am still a busy grad student, so I couldn’t possibly talk about every one in just one post, so this is just part one of what will hopefully be a two-part series exploring every pet.
I based my opinions on the appearance and design of the pet, as well as the historic and current designs of the pet colors. I also can’t help but let the many colorful characters of Neopets’ various sitewide plots influence my opinions in some cases as well.
Which Neopets are close to my heart and which do I despise? Let’s find out.
Acara
There are some Neopets that are just… generic. They’re not pushing the grain of what it means to be a Neopet. They’re safe, as it were. The Acara, I think, is the example of such a Neopet.
With a sort-of catlike quality, Acaras nevertheless don’t seem to commit to any strong real-world inspiration. According to information on the website, they’re semi-aquatic, and their flexible “horns” (their term, not mine) can be used to hear underwater. Nevertheless, the species hails from the decidedly land-based Neopia Central.
I do think the 2007 conversion did improve the cuteness of the Acara somewhat. I like their faces and their default posing just fine. Plus, there are a lot of pretty distinctive and interesting Acara characters in the long lorebook of Neopets. While this may be due in part to the Acara’s generic nothing cuteness, it’s still a mark in their favor as a species that they get to boast the likes of morally interesting characters like Masila and Vira, and a few heroes like Fauna and Ylana Skyfire.
Mutant Acara
Unfortunately, though, not a lot of their currently-available colors are all that interesting or distinctive. I think my favorite is probably the Mutant Acara, but most of their other colors are mostly bland to me. The unconverted Gray and Maraquan Acaras are also a bit cuter, but I still wouldn’t call them some of the best on the site.
Overall? It’s a meh from me.
Aisha
The Aisha is a Neopet that just feels like a quintessential Neopet to me. If there ever were a mascot Neopet for the site, the Aisha feels like a fantastic candidate. While its design does definitely resemble a cat, its slim frame, distinctive antennae-like ears, and characteristic face and “A” collar really give it personality and uniqueness.
Aishas also fared incredibly well in the conversion to customization and remain one of the most popular Neopets to customize. I think this comes down to the distinctive yet flexible personality their design has. It’s just as easy to make an Aisha look dark and scary, cute and fluffy, elegant and graceful, or silly and colorful.
Many notable Aishas line the history books of Neopets lore. As a kid, I particularly loved the tragic tale of Maraquan sisters Caylis and Isca, but Lisha, Amira, and Jerdana are also fun hero-types.
UC Darigan Aisha
I don’t have an Aisha myself, but it’s one of those pets that I know I’d happily adopt if I ever got the chance. The Alien Aisha is of course iconic, calling to the fun little species detail that they may or may not be a species that descended from the stars long before any kind of history was kept on Neopia. I also really like the licorice ears of the Chocolate Aisha and the shiftiness of the Darigan Aisha (only more improved by the newly-available unconverted version.)
Aishas are iconic, and it’s easy to see why.
Blumaroo
I get the feeling that the Blumaroo is underrated, but I can’t say I’ve personally ever made an effort to fix it. Hailing from the colorful world of Roo Island, Blumaroos are known for their bouncy tails and jovial personalities, and their kangaroo-inspired design is definitely legible but still interesting.
So why the unpopularity, then? I think one reason may be their fate post-conversion. While the original Blumaroo design played up the species trait of bouncing on their tails like Tigger, allowing them to also show off the cute design feature of their heart-shaped feet, the demands of customization forced them to stand upright in that stiff, fist-out pose that all bipedal Neopets had to take up. It really killed a lot of the personality and uniqueness of the Blumaroo’s original design, and it’s a real shame.
Maraquan Blumaroo
While there are a few famous Blumaroos, I don’t think any of them do the species any favors. There’s the nerdy, obviously full of himself AAA, and the silly figures of King Roo and Count Von Roo, but beyond that I can’t think of any Blumaroos who really have a fanbase or have done anything interesting in the history of Neopia.
It’s a shame, though, because I really do like some of the Blumaroo’s colors. I particularly enjoy the classic nature of the Halloween Blumaroo, the seahorse-inspired Maraquan Blumaroo, and the very unique Royalgirl and Royalboy Blumaroos.
Bori
The first Neopet in this list I actually own! I have my very own Bori named fiellae, who I haven’t quite decided what to do with yet. I may keep her as a Bori, or I might not, but either way I love the understated cuteness of the Bori. A slightly newer species, Bori are cold-weather Neopets from the snowy peaks of Terror Mountain, and their armadillo-like design definitely suggests a lot of character in them.
Much of the cuteness of the original Bori design has been preserved in the converted design, and I love their sweet little faces and hopeful pose. Still, I think they’re going to fare even better as their UC designs become more accessible once again, preserving the even more adorable original design.
The most famous Bori, and likely the source of a lot of my affection for the species, is Armin. He was one of the first Boris ever introduced on the site, and his humble bravery at the side of Hannah in the Hannah and the Ice Caves plot really made kid-me a fan.
Royalgirl Bori
Unfortunately, a slight knock in the Bori’s appeal, to me, is the lack of really great colors for them. I do really like the Royalgirl Bori, and that’s likely the direction I will go with my own if I choose to keep her a Bori, but most of the other colors don’t do much for me. Another exception to that, though, is the Mutant, but I don’t see that for my own pet.
Still, the Bori is a solid and really appealing Neopet.
Bruce
You know, I really wish I liked the Bruce more. You would think that a penguin Neopet would be an easy slam-dunk. A cute little polar bird, all fluffy and chubby, how could it not be appealing? Especially with the fact that the Bruce is essentially just a penguin with a bow.
So it’s strange that I’ve just never much liked Bruce. Perhaps it’s something about their expression – both the original and current designs just lack a really defined emotion on their face. They just look a little indifferent, so why should I feel any differently about them? Or maybe the problem is that the Bruce doesn’t attempt to introduce anything new to the equation. It is truly just a penguin, with nothing else interesting or notable about it.
Halloween Bruce
There are a few interesting Bruce characters, in particular Boochi, the sole reason I kept my Kougra as my active pet for the entirety of my childhood experience on Neopets. Though the chance was slim, his mere slim ability to suddenly change your active Neopet into a baby was enough to keep my other pets locked safely away.
It’s not exactly the saving grace for the species, but I do like the Halloween Bruce with its cute little freckles, and the Toy Bruce’s resemblance to a stuffed animal is pretty cute.
Buzz
I really hate to pile on to a species that has never exactly been the most popular but… I’m sorry, I just don’t really like Buzz all that much. While I respect the humble insect and would never go out of my way to harm one, I also wouldn’t say they’re a favorite for me. In my defense, even people I know who love bugs don’t really love Buzz – it doesn’t exactly capture all that much of what bug lovers even like about the creatures. It’s weird and strangely reptilian in appearance.
At least this has always been the case. Since being swapped from the far cuter but admittedly a bit more Petpet like Fleye in 2000, the Buzz’s design has remained pretty consistent, with just a pose change for the customization update in 2007. If anything has really changed about them, it’s perhaps a bit of a friendlier look in the most recent design, but for my money that’s almost a bit of a mistake. It takes them even further from their insect inspiration, and makes them just a bit bland. At least the slight menace of their original design had some character.
Baby Buzz
The Baby Buzz tends to be the one color that people really respond to that I’ve seen – understandably, since it nails the cute insect vibe that the species as a whole can’t seem to get right. I also like the lobster design of the Maraquan Buzz. But, overall, this is just not a species I feel all that attached to, as much as it pains me to join the overwhelming majority opinion.
Chia
I have mixed feelings on the Chia. It’s a pretty iconic Neopet, joining the Aisha for Neopets I’m sure immediately spring to mind when the average person thinks about Neopets. In addition, I like their unique fruit and vegetable colors and find this aspect of them whimsical and fun.
But like… what is a Chia? It’s just a little thing with legs. There’s almost a slight menace to their perpetually cheery face and pose, like there’s something going on behind those closed eyes we’ll never be privy to (not that we would want to be privy to such horrors. Why are they so happy all the time?
Pepper Chia
It’s this mysterious, iconic, and menacing quality that makes me respect the Chia. Even if I wouldn’t count myself as a fan, I can’t possibly imagine a Neopets without the Chia, and would in fact prefer it to remain exactly as it is.
Plus, as mentioned, I enjoy a lot of Chia colors – the Strawberry, Sroom, Tomato, Asparagus, Carrot, Grape, Pea, Pepper, and many others as well as the adorable coral-like Maraquan Chia. We’re cool, the Chia and I. We’re cool.
Chomby
Oh I really like the Chomby. Chombies are just silly happy little dinos. Their design quite obviously references a Brachiosaurus with the distinctive spines of a Spinosaurus, creating an all-around classic dino guy. I like their gentle, kind faces, which seem to communicate a gentle, vegetarian nature.
The Chomby is also the first on this list to be a limited release pet. These pets are only available to be created on their particular pet day each year, which is perhaps one reason I personally don’t have one yet despite the fact I really like them. The exclusivity of the Chomby does feel like it aligns with its gentle yet extinct design inspiration, almost as if you have to put in a lot of work to befriend such an elusive creature.
Darigan Chomby
There aren’t many famous Chombies, but I do want to call attention to the band Chomby and the Fungus balls, which sometimes plays at the Tyrannian Concert Hall. It’s literally a disco band made up of one Chomby and four actual balls of fungus with afro wigs. It’s just silly and fun.
The Tyrannian Chomby is of course an all-out classic, with its dinosaur inspiration turned up to 11. But I also like the adorable little Baby Chomby and the tiny dragon wings on the Darigan Chomby.
Cybunny
And time to join the overwhelming majority when I say… yeah, Cybunnies are great. I know I ragged on the Bruce for basically just being a penguin, but like… the Cybunny is just a bunny. But what a great little bunny it is!
It’s just that this design really exemplifies the good qualities of a bunny. Fluffy, cute, with big ears and fuzzy lil paws, the Cybunny nonetheless nails its role as a Neopet with the absolutely huge number of great colors it can be painted. It’s just bangers all the way down. Baby, Darigan, Chocolate, Maraquan, Mutant, Plushie, Royalboy and Royalgirl, Valentine…. I mean, that’s just the tip of the iceberg of adorable designs available to this pet.
UC Royalgirl Cybunny
Another limited release pet, Cybunnies are definitely a coveted pet on the site. I remember as a kid being totally convinced it would be impossible for me to ever get one, but now, at the age of 26, I can happily report that I have my own, Innoccence. I one day aim to turn her into an unconverted Royalgirl Cybunny, once it becomes possible to do so.
Sometimes you’ve just gotta believe the hype. The hype for Cybunnies is real.
Draik
Oh, and speaking of extreme hype for a limited species that I never thought I’d ever own as a kid and now do…
Even more limited than other limited species, Draiks can literally only be created either by hatching an extremely rare and expensive Draik egg or by morphing or zapping your pet into one, making them an absolutely sought-after pet. It certainly helps that the Draik is an adorable classic fantasy dragon. With a lot of fun colors, they’re super customizable and the status symbol of choice for many Neopians.
…Myself included. Because, yes, as I’ve mentioned, I have my very own Draik. Ayuura is my precious little Valentine Draik, whom I lovingly morphed and painted and am working tirelessly at decking out with as many cute pink hearts as I can possibly muster.
UC Halloween Draik
The Draik’s design is just classic, and always have been. I would even wager to say that it fared better in its most recent design change, with a more dynamic pose and adorable face. Still, many classic Draik colors like Tyrannian, Plushie, Maraquan, Faerie, and even the silly Halloween Draik fare well through all design iterations. Much like the Cybunny, I feel the Draik has earned its beloved reputation.
Elephante
Oh, the poor Elephante. Listen, I respect what they were trying to do here. Elephants are adorable animals that absolutely deserve to have a Neopet counterpart. And there’s just a hint of fantasy added with the tiny wings and jeweled crown.
The problem, though, is that the Elephante isn’t really elevated past this concept – it’s an elephant with a crown and tiny wings. Why does it have wings? Well… not sure. Official lore states that this species can’t do anything more than hover. Why does it wear a crown? Well… uh… why aren’t you wearing a crown? It comes off as less of its own unique species and more of an elephant plus extras. This, by the way, has actually improved in my opinion since the Elephante’s original design – I think the less maniacal expression and post of the current design is far more appealing than the menace of the original.
Baby Elephante
And also, this is maybe a personal preference, but I really think the Elephante would be so much cuter if it were a quadruped like its real-life counterpart. This actually reflects in the cuteness of the Baby Elephante, which totally proves to me that all they would need to do to improve this design is bring its front legs down to the ground where they belong. Unfortunately, not many of the other colors much make up for the Elephante’s unfortunate design, though.
Eyrie
Listen… if it isn’t broken, there’s no need to fix it. The Eyrie is a fantastic example of this principle. People love griffins, so there’s absolutely no need to chop and skew when you’re making your own fantasy version of a griffin. Simple yet distinctive, noble, and graceful, the Eyrie captures a very appealing fantasy of befriending a mighty fantasy beast.
I also have to give a shout-out to probably the most famous Eyrie, Lord Kass. The complicated villain of the Battle for Meridell plot, he took over his homeland of Darigan Citadel but was tortured by the menacing spirits of greed, ambition, and revenge and became a ruthless and power hungry ruler. These three spirits eventually killed him, and to this day he remains a hated figure amongst his former subjects. Dramatic stuff!
Woodland Eyrie
Eyries have a pretty great assortment of colors, including Faerie, Darigan, Halloween, Chocolate, and, I think my favorite, Woodland. The delicate flowers hanging from their usually eagle-like wings are so pretty.
Eyries are another pet I’d definitely consider owning myself at some point.
Flotsam
Allow me to mount a humble defense of the Flotsam. I love the Flotsam, even if they’re definitely not one of the more popular Neopets.
People just don’t give the Flotsam enough credit. It’s a really adorable aquatic pet, combining features of narwhals and dolphins to form a truly unique and adorable underwater fantasy creature. I love the expression on their faces too, with their raised flipper almost suggesting curiosity. This is a definite improvement from their classic design, which to me reads as mostly goofy.
Plus, here’s where I admit that my favorite of Neopets’ fantasy lands is Maraqua, the mysterious underwater kingdom. As a kid I loved mermaids and was fascinated by the shell and coral buildings of the land. Plus, Curse of Maraqua was one of my favorite plots before Faerie’s Ruin came along to take its spot.
Royalgirl Flotsam
Flotsams also have way more fun colors than people give them credit for. The Royalgirl Flotsam is so gorgeous with its pastel blue coloring and jewels, and I love the silly yet scary vibes of the Mutant Flotsam.
Maybe I’ve convinced myself to adopt one, honestly. Flotsams are an underrated Neopet.
Gelert
Don’t panic. It’s my favorite Neopet species. I love Gelerts. I’ve devoted a fair amount of time and Neopoints in my quest to collect as many Gelert-themed items for my Gelert gallery as possible. I own three Gelerts of my own – tofoui, Celvinus, and my precious darling first Neopet ever, Nicole.
What is it about the Gelert that enchants me so? Well, I love dogs in real life, and there’s something so perfect about the way the Gelert captures the joyful nature of real dogs in an alien, fantastical way. I think the success of the design comes down to the whip-like ears and tail. Dogs in real life obviously don’t have these features, but the movement and energy both of these features suggest is totally dog-like. You can imagine the Gelert wagging that big long tail with joy, and those big long ears folding back in the wind as they dart after a squirrel… or, uh… Usul?
There’s two major Gelert characters of note. There’s Bruno, a young Gelert inflicted with a curse that mutated him until the young usul Gilly (yes, actually) befriended and helped save him and his fellow villagers in the Tale of Woe plot. And, probably most beloved of all, is Kanrik, the former thief who aided Hannah the adventurer in the Ice Caves plot.
Maraquan Gelert
But probably most importantly to me, there’s the Maraquan Gelert. This is my favorite color and species combination in the game. It has such a unique design, with that beautiful purple color evoking an octopus in such an elegant way. When I was a kid, I coveted a Maraquan Gelert. Back then, the cost to paint my Gelert was astronomical, more than one 11-year-old could ever conceive. I saved and saved and saved until finally one day, many years later, I got a fountain faerie quest that allowed my dreams to come true.
What can I say? The Gelert is truly the most perfect Neopet out there.
Gnorbu
This is another widely disliked Neopet that I actually really like. I’ve often praised Neopets that can evoke a certain real-life species in a unique and distinctively Neopets way, and I think the Gnorbu totally pulls that off with llamas. Their big furry ruff and floppy ears feels like an adorable llama without necessarily being literally a drawing of one.
My best guess for why it seems like most people disregard the Gnorbu is this inspiration, I think. Llamas are usually depicted as fluffy and cute, but the Gnorbu emphasizes a lot of Llama traits that I think tend to be seen as more ugly and gross. To me, though, Neopets often excels when it gets to play around a bit with grosser, sillier themes.
Candy Gnorbu
That fun and humor applies to many Gnorbu colors, too. I think the Mutant Gnorbu is just the right combo of silly and gross, and the Tyrannian Gnorbu is just downright silly in a fun way. The Halloween Gnorbu is a totally clever design, and the Candy and Cloud Gnorbus take advantage of the species thick mane to do fun things.
Overall, I think the Gnorbu is a well-thought-out and conceived Neopet design that totally deserves far more credit than it gets.
Grarrl
The carnivore counterpart to the Chomby’s herbivore, the Grarrl is as standard a T-rex design as they come. As a kid, this meant I wasn’t a big fan – the Grarrl just looked a bit too mean and scary for me, and I suspect this may be a big reason the species isn’t historically popular.
But with adult hindsight, I can really appreciate a lot of the good qualities of this species. It’s another one of those Neopets that doesn’t stray too terribly far from its design inspiration, though interestingly smooths out the proportions of the standard T-rex, with a smaller head compared to the body and slightly longer arms.
Their current designs also display a ton of personality. I love their toothy grins, showing off both the menacing sharpness and their friendly personality. There’s a slight forcedness to it, though, leaving room for you to suspect that perhaps the Grarrl’s friendliness is a bit of an act – or it’s just a bit awkward. That’s the kind of fun I love in a Neopet design.
Faerie Grarrl
Not a lot of Grarrl colors hugely stand out to me, though, unfortunately. The Halloween one is cool, and I love the humor of the Elderly boy and girl designs. The Faerie Grarrl is also an all-time classic. But I’m not sure it’s enough to convince me to invest in one for myself. Still, I respect the Grarrl and all Grarrl-lovers out there.
Grundo
Grundos are a unique species with a lot of lore backing up their existence in the world of Neopets. Once enslaved by the reoccurring villain Dr. Sloth, at the conclusion of the plot he was involved in, they were freed and began living amongst other Neopets.
One of the things I really like about the Grundo is its unique take on an alien. It’s obvious that many features of this species are based on the classic little green Martian stereotype, but the addition of their distinctive antennae and squat, blobby body makes them a creation wholly original and iconic to Neopets. I also love their friendly, earnest expressions.
Mallow Grundo
Grundos have a ton of great colors, too. I love the GIANT antennae on the baby and the space-inspired coloration of the Faerie. And then, there’s the species-exclusive color Mallow, which sees the cute lil Grundo head popping out of a marshmallow. OK, I know it sounds weird, but it’s adorable, I promise.
I have two Grundos myself, my former Lab Rat muinetet and my current Lab Rat Sopfiee (who will likely not stay a Grundo). They’re just such a fun and whimsical species to customize that it’s hard not to justify having a few.
Hissi
While on one hand having a snake Neopet might seem like a no-brainer – snakes are, after all, probably the most well-known and oft-referenced reptile – but on the other hand, there’s a real obstacle to including snakes as an adoptable pet amongst others. With no arms or legs, snakes lack a lot of obvious avenues for expression.
So, Neopets said, let’s give him arms. And not just arms, big, wide, almost wing-like arms, drawing to mind the image of a Quetzalcoatl-inspired winged serpent. With those arms and a michevious yet friendly face, the Hissi has a ton of character.
Interestingly, those arms were originally just wings before the customization update, though if I might stand to ruffle a few feathers, I must say that I kind of like using the wings more explicitly as arms. You absolutely still can interpret them as wings, but allowing them to also be arms makes them feel more able to interact with the world of Neopia and set them apart as their own unique species.
Mutant Hissi
Being snakes, there’s a lot of fun to be had in their various colors. For example, the Candy Hissi is definitely supposed to be a gummy worm and the Desert Hissi dons a hood like a King Cobra. I also love the Mutant Hissi’s two heads and the whiskers on the Royalboy Hissi, pushing the design in a more serpentine dragon direction. Very cool Neopet, for sure.
Ixi
Along the way, I’ve indicated if there’s a certain character in Neopets lore that affects my view of a certain Neopets species. In most cases, this isn’t a major part of my opinion, though. It’s just a fun little bonus or something that makes a species I otherwise wouldn’t pay much mind to a little bit more notable.
The Ixi, however, is probably the one species I would say is pretty heavily dominated by one of the Ixi characters in my mind. See, back in 2010, when I was 12 years old, I got to participate in my very first Neopets plot, the Faerie’s Ruin. In it, the character Hanso is introduced, a young, michevious thief who accidentally gets caught up in a mission to save the Faeries, who have been turned to stone.
I loved this plot as a kid and I especially loved the rougish charm and humor of Hanso, as well as the camaraderie he shared with fellow main character and straight-laced captain of the guard Brynn.
You know it’s all about him.
It’s probably good for the Ixi, too, because despite being fairly cute and based on a deer… I can’t say I love the Ixi’s design. I think its head is just way too big for its body, minimizing the amount of character they can really show off. The current Ixi design has a weird facial expression I just don’t really like. I do like a lot of the pre customization designs, particularly the Faerie, Grey, Plushie, and Maraquan ones, but the standard design just is too blank and nothing for me.
So the Ixi can thank Hanso along with several other notable Ixis (like Tarla and Nabile) for saving the species appeal in my heart.
Jetsam
I love sharks. So why don’t I like the Jetsam very much?
On one hand, this could be a situation like the Grarrl, where its tough and mean design put me off as a kid. But as I explained when talking about the Grarrl, I’ve since come around. Maybe it would be helpful, then, to compare the two. Whereas the Grarrl has personality and a certain humorous contradiction to its forced grin, the Jetsam feels a lot more straightforwardly mean.
The Grarrl also made some changes to its inspiration to feel more like a character. The Jetsam, meanwhile, doesn’t have a lot of the sharky features I personally like, and adds a ton of random extras that don’t to me read shark. Why does he have two fins on his head? Why does he have fin-legs?
Maraquan Jetsam
The classic Jetsam design isn’t all that much better, unfortunately. Though it does somewhat step down from the sharp-toothed aggressor vibe of the newer design, it still has the weird fin-legs and really oddly-proportioned giant head, doing the very opposite of what the Grarrl does.
Maybe the Jetsam can just never live up in my heart to the real thing – the dopey, misunderstood yet undeniably menacing sharks. Still, the Maraquan one is kind of cool, looking more like an Anglerfish. Maybe that’s what the rest of the species should have drawn its inspiration from instead?
JubJub
I was totally under the impression that JubJubs were beloved and admired Neopets, but my recent research into the opinions on many of the Neopets has lead me to realize that they’re far more controversial than I had realized.
Obviously, the very concept of this species is silly. From its name to its nature as a tiny ball of fluff with two big feet, this is definitely not a species that begs to be taken seriously. It’s not a pretty or elegant or menacing species by any means. But I do think there’s a charm to the JubJub, especially in the adorable simplicity of its face.
I do see somewhat what the issue may be – as I talked about with the Hissi, it’s hard to imagine how a species with only feet would interact with a world alongside other species that definitely do have legs and arms and all that. Plus I think the lifted foot of the current design is a little strange and awkward out of context – it’s obviously meant to allow the JubJub to hold a prop, but without one it just looks like he’s showing you his toes. …Put those away.
Coconut JubJub
Like the Chia, though, the JubJub’s silliness feels like a feature, not a bug, and I can’t help but respect it even if I don’t have much drive to get one myself. I like the species specific colors too, particularly Coconut, as well as the colors that play with the unique simple roundness of the species, like Maraquan, Halloween, and Marble.
Kacheek
Kacheeks feel to me like the classic, simple Neopet design that the Acara wants to be but fails to be. It is certainly a bit further from any real-life inspiration, with a tail that suggests squirrel but a totally unique head shape. Still, despite not really resembling any real-life creature, it totally feels like a little woodland animal that would hang out in the forest with a rabbit or squirrel. Or, perhaps, you could interpret it as a cat with weird ears! Your mileage may vary, but no matter what the Kacheek is a real cutie. I also love its name – great sound, totally believable as the name of such a cute lil guy.
Like the Aisha, the Kacheek also feels like a classic iconic Neopet, and it shows in their popularity. I think this has to do with how easily-customizable they are. They’re flexible and their bipedal design allows them to show off whatever clothing you put on them, no problem.
Plushie Kacheek
There’s plenty of cute Kacheek colors to choose from as well. I love the round glasses on the Disco and the little patchwork heart fabric on the Plushie. And… unpopular opinion alert, I actually really like the Maraquan, despite every other reaction I’ve seen to it being abject horror. And yes, it is a little horrific, but I don’t know, I love its cute little face.
Kacheeks are a wildly popular Neopet, and it’s obvious to me why.
Kau
Throughout this list there’s been a number of Neopets inspired by animals I love in real life. Some, like the Jetsam, have failed to live up to their inspiration. Others, like the Gelert, capture the essence of their animal perfectly and become an absolute favorite of mine as a result. So how does the Kau fare in living up to my love of real-life cows?
Perfectly! I mean, okay, it’s a little straightforward, I suppose. Unlike the Gelert, it’s not adapting the animal’s features but playing up their nature. But that earnest simplicity totally feels right for an alien version of a cow, an animal I love for their earnest simplicity.
Giant, soulful eyes? Check. Swooshy tail? Check. Vibes that not a thought is going on in that big ol’ head? Check. The Kau has everything it needs to succeed.
Pastel Kau
If there is one criticism I might have, though, I do wish there was more obvious integration of the cow’s iconic patchwork patterning somewhere in this design. I don’t much like the stripes. Yes, those patches do appear in its Spotted variant, but it’s not enough. The site did begin to make it up to me when it released the Pastel Kau, a play on the ever-popular strawberry cow motif with a full-on neck bell. So, of course, I had to make one for myself, my beloved Fayebelie. But I want more! Neopets, do you hear me?
Kiko
I mean… what is there to say about this thing. I don’t like to be mean but… how are people getting mad at the JubJub when the Kiko exists? There is just no saving grace to be found here.
Hailing from their own homeworld of Kiko lake, the Kiko is a horrendous orb with arms. All of them come with band-aids, as if to indicate that their mere existence causes others to fly into fits of violence on sight of them. Still, the Kiko remains oddly cheery, though with an expression that to me indicates a quiet, seething rage, ready to be let out at any moment.
I find the Kiko horrible to look at. The sight of one unsettles me. I don’t wish to go this far, but I really do feel like the Kiko is the one species of Neopet that would improve the website immeasurably if it were to be deleted from existence.
I’m so sorry.
Koi
The Koi is just a fish. Tail to tip. That’s a fish. I mean, they didn’t even bother to come up with its own unique name. A Koi is a fish in real life and it’s a fish in Neopets, too.
I do think Kois are cute, and I do like the flowing nature of their fins. There’s definitely a graceful appeal to this Neopet, which has generally been improved in its newer design. The original Koi was a bit goofier, which I think kind of played against the strengths of its design. I don’t love the shape of the fist in the current Koi design, but that accursed fist has afflicted more species than just the Koi.
Darigan Koi
I think I just wish there had been more creativity applied here. There are a ton of other aquatic Neopets, even those I don’t like as much, that do just a bit more to create something uniquely Neopets. So, it’s hard to truly call the Koi something distinctive.
It is saved quite a bit by having a surprising amount of really cute colors. I love the furry ruff on the Darigan Koi, the distinctive look of the Woodland Koi, and the real-life Koi inspired coloration of the Spotted Koi. I just wish there was something a bit more to write home about with this species.
Korbat
When I was younger I never paid much mind to the Korbat. I chalk it up to my general disinterest in anything spooky or spooky-adjacent. I just didn’t much like scary stuff, so the spooky Halloween bat didn’t appeal to me in the way it appealed to others.
In my adulthood, though, I have come to love the Korbat. Bats are such a fun species to base an alien species on, anyway, but the Korbat brings a lot of fun little added features, like its devil-like tail and little feets. Plus, I think they have the cutest little faces.
The classic Korbat is equally cute, in my eyes. I do sort of miss their dopely little dot-eye faces. But, they’re a design that has fared really well into the modern website, in my humble opinion.
Candy Korbat
I have my own cross-painted Korbat whom I’ve lovingly customized into a candy witch, Birtanina, and I’m happy to have come around to the charms of the Korbat. I may not even be able to stop with just one – especially with the adorably manta ray-inspired Maraquan, the giant-eared Mutant, and the Greek-inspired Royalboy and Royalgirl. And the holly forming the ears of the Snow Korbat? SO adorable.
Kougra
It’s hard for me not to feel a bit of a bias toward the Neopets I have had on my 16-year-old account. The youngest of my classic four is Ocean Wave the Kougra.
I remember feeling a great deal of conflict when creating Ocean (whom I nicknamed O.W. in my head). Back then, you could only have four Neopets, and as my fourth, she would be my final chance to choose amongst the many quality Neopet options.
I think what finally sent me toward the Kougra is the way it exemplifies a lot of what make its real-life inspiration so appealing, similar to how I feel about the Gelert. The Kougra is a big cat, but its round, torn ears give it a different look that still evokes the wild and rough-and-tumble nature of a tiger or a cheetah. It’s huge paws in comparison to the rest of its body also makes it easy to picture this guy pouncing on a piece of pray (or a ball of yarn, pick your poison).
Valentine Kougra
The eagerness and personality in its pose and expression is just hard to pass up, is all I’m saying. Plus, there’s a ton of great Kougra colors. I went Plushie for my own, but I easily could have gone for Baby, Candy, Faerie, Royalgirl, Toy, Valentine, Mutant, Tyrannian… there’s lots to love here. I don’t regret my choice for one second.
Krawk
Besides the Draik, the Krawk is the other Neopet species with the most exclusivity. The only way to make one is through a morphing potion or finding the PetPet of the same name and feeding it magical fungus from a cave in Krawk Island. That makes it a highly desirable pet for a lot of owners, but what I find interesting about it is its comparatively non-widely appealing design.
I mean, compare the appeal of a dragon to a bipedal crocodile – there wouldn’t seem to be much competition between the two, don’t you think? And yet, there’s something so distinctive and characteristic about the Krawk that makes it appealing anyway. Its another one of those Neopets that take a lot of the inspiration from its real-life counterpart but play in the fantastical to create a species that feels really alive and full of personality.
UC Darigan Krawk
The raggedness of the Krawk’s toothy grin, the sly expression on its face, and its mangled little claw hands give it a ton of unique character. While I’ve never been driven to put in the considerable effort to get one for myself, I can totally see how they would inspire such devotion.
Unfortunately, they don’t have a ton of great colors in my opinion. However, I do love the Darigan Krawk (particularly unconverted, what a huge chonker), and the much more aquatic croc vibes of the Maraquan Krawk.
We’re halfway through, so that’s all for part one. Just for fun, here’s my ranking of the species so far:
The role of video games in my life has always been strangely fraught. This is something I’ve written about before, but even though I loved games as a kid and spent almost all of my free time as a kid playing Nintendo DS and computer games I checked out from my local library, I simultaneously rejected the role and identity of gamer.
It had to do with a few things – gendered expectations, for one. When I was younger, I didn’t have a lot of examples of women who enjoyed video games – the cultural image was always a teenage boy or young man. When I got older, though, I started to hear about things like Gamergate – a movement of targeted harassment against women and other minority game developers and creators under the guise of “integrity in the games journalism industry.”
Now that I’m an adult, though, I feel like the label is pretty unavoidable for me. I spend a lot of my free time playing video games, and spend a decent chunk of my disposable income adding to my collection. I enjoy keeping up with releases of game franchises I care about, and follow Twitch streamers, voice actors, developers, and other creatives and influencers in the gaming industry.
At the same time, claiming the term gamer has just become a lot more common and a lot easier. There’s now a ton more representation within the gaming community of all sorts of people, not just the quintessential young white straight cis guy.
But I also think there’s an interesting shift in what sort of games are even being made, as well. I think there’s something to be said about the baggage that comes when you discuss the connection between video game genres and the gender of the players who enjoy them.
A lot of gaming franchises that have historically been popular with women tend to get disparaged and written off, on one hand. On the other, a lot of the games associated with women tend to be associated because of some pretty insidious gendered stereotypes.
All that acknowledged, I can’t help but feel that the cultural shift within video games coincides with, or perhaps is caused by, the growth of gaming genres like life simulators, dating sims, farming simulators, and other genres that have come to fall under one mega-genre… the “cozy” game. And cozy gaming is a huge movement – one I have some mixed feelings about.
Though cozy games have been around for just about as long as games have, I think it’s pretty clear that the beginning of the modern cozy game movement came with the release of Animal Crossing New Horizons in 2020. The game’s coincidental release at essentially the very beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic brought a ton of new gamers into the fold. Seeking comfort and companionship during a scary worldwide crisis, it simultaneously molded the tastes of many of these new gamers, many of whom weren’t the traditional gamer. Now, four years later, many of these players have moved on to other games – creating the huge boom.
Therefore, the definition of a cozy game is fairly influenced by Animal Crossing. Regardless, as with any genre, the definition of a cozy game is somewhat abstract. As the name suggests, a traditional cozy game is any game that is designed to elicit feelings of comfort and calm in a player. Generally, these games test player creativity, social skills, and curation. This makes the bounds of the genre somewhat easy to see in some cases – for example, a heart-pounding, fast-paced first-person shooter is likely not going to fit the bill. Nor will a terrifying survival horror game.
However, beyond the obvious examples, there’s a surprising amount of nuance. For some, the genre’s conventions are fairly loose, and can be applied to any game that can be comforting to a player. For others, any kind of conflict or dark tone disqualifies a game from the moniker. I’ve seen people legitimately try and argue that cutesy farming simulator Stardew Valley, arguably one of the founding games of the cozy game movement, can’t be considered a cozy game due to its exploration of themes of alcoholism, death, and familial abuse in some of the backstories of its characters.
Regardless of the fuzziness of its boundaries, though, it’s pretty impossible to deny the strength and clout of this new genre. Whereas shooters, adventure games, and platformers previously dominated the games market, there’s now dedicated cozy game sections of major gaming platforms like Steam, and the organization Wholesome Games has sprung up along with its regular “Wholesome Directs”, which bring together indie games that fit the cozy game genre and promote their release in the style of bigger companies like Nintendo’s promotional game presentations.
Where once the gaming industry felt like a hostile place for a young girl like me, particularly to the kinds of games I was drawn to – creative, slow-paced, nonviolent, and cute – these games are now numerous and openly celebrated.
In many ways – it’s wonderful to see. I imagine there’s probably a lot of girls, queer people, people of color, and other traditionally non-represented populations getting to feel comfortable and supported in the gaming world.
Still, though, I sometimes feel like as wonderful as cozy games are as a genre, that they might have some downsides. There is nothing at all wrong with wanting a comforting gaming experience – it tends to be what I’m drawn to myself. But there’s also something a bit limiting about the way I see people discuss cozy games. Creators stay within the bounds of the genre, recommending only games that fit the cozy game mantra. Creators within this space who step outside of it are often made fun of or chastised.
And I return to some of my reservations about the gendered expectations that continue to swirl around. As wonderful as cozy games are as a space, as welcoming as they can be, are we really making meaningful change in this culture if we continue to accept that video games for women must necessarily be soft, cute, and slow-paced? Are we limiting these new gamers from seeing the wide variety of wonderful games that exist if we continue to push the existence of this so-called cozy game genre and encourage people to exist only within it? When some people deny that a cozy game is even allowed to cover darker themes… well, is that healthy for a genre?
I think of games like the Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild or Hades – action/adventure games with moments of violence and “cozy game” traits. The comforting music, beautiful soundscapes, and pensive atmosphere of Breath of the Wild was one of the most soothing I’ve ever experienced, even if it came between heart-pounding action scenes. Hades has some of the best character writing and story development I’ve seen, in the package of a tough-as-nails rougelike fighting game.
I say this because these are two games that challenged my vision of myself as a gamer. Before playing both of them, I doubted I even could. I had spent so many years seeing myself as not very skilled at the types of games that required quick reflexes and strategic thinking. But it was the more “cozy” aspect of these two games that encouraged me to try them anyway and find out that I enjoyed being challenged by the less “cozy” aspects of them.
Maybe my fears are unnecessary. Perhaps I can put my trust in these new cozy gamers to know their own interests and not be afraid to explore games outside of the cozy game moniker. Or, perhaps, there are probably many of these gamers who will be perfectly happy to stay within their genre and there’s nothing inherently less valuable about that.
But if you’re a cozy gamer yourself, reading this post, I wanted to say – hello. I love you. I used to be you. In many ways I still am you. I’m so happy that the gaming industry has changed to meet what you love. I’m so happy things are better for you. It’s what you deserve. It’s what we deserve.
At the same time, please don’t feel restricted by the cozy game genre. Even if you think you’re not a very talented gamer – sometimes it’s worthwhile to challenge yourself. You might find a game that changes your view of what games can be – and of your own skill.
Gaming is amazing. Video games are some of the coolest, most innovative pieces of art right now. Don’t limit yourself to just a few based on the opinions of an influencer or advertiser. You’re more than capable of experiencing the breadth of this world.
Absoludicrous 